When I say I used to be passive aggressive I mean I used to be ~passive aggressive.~ In a culture of feminine politeness and submission I was always worried to say what I actually wanted to say at risk of offending someone and being the bitch in the room. Even if we were just talking about where to get dinner. The dreaded “…” was more common than a Juicy Couture sweatsuit in the early 2000s. Just use your imagination.
So, here comes a tribute post to the person that taught me the importance of *true* communication- the one and only MC.
When we started dating it was hard for me to say how I felt about anything because all I could think was that if I said something wrong he’d run for the hills like the Von Trapp family Sound of Music style. But something that really changed my perspective on the whole thing was when he straight up asked me not to play the passive game. And at first I was stunned. I hadn’t really ever been called out for it before, but once he said it I realized my whole friend group was guilty and I was the “Queen of the Dot Dot Dot.” BRB, Netflix is on the line, they want to create another Making of a Murder show but starring me called Making of a Passive Aggressive Sass Monster. They’ve already casted Mindy Kaling.
Since then we’ve mastered communication together and it’s been the biggest reason we’ve made it this far. Sure, I cry every time we disagree but that’s just me and my overactive tear ducts. Let me bottle it up for a couple days and then we’ll talk it out better than Dr. Phil. Problem, meet discussion. Real game changer.
When I sit down and think about it, the whole thing has made me more candid and less avoidant in other friendships, too. I’ll be the first girl in the room to tell you if something doesn’t look straight off the runway or if that lunchtime salad munch is hanging around in your teeth. No playing. No “uuuummmm.” No reason to flirt around what I actually want to say. It’s a kind of security in what you think that makes you realize everyone is entitled to an opinion and you should share it if it’s A) not totally evil and B) something you care about.
Dear world, just say what you actually want. I can’t listen to the pretending not to care if we go to mall when all you really want to eat ice cream in our pajamas and watch the Bachelor. Just let me know & I’ll bring my Lactaid pills.
So MC, I guess I’ll add this to the list of things I’ve gotten out of our relationship. Right below back scratches and Cava date nights.
Stuck in my head: I Can Feel a Hot One // Manchester Orchestra
Snap it: Adams Morgan