Patterned and Ready To Go.

I’ve always loved getting dressed in the morning. Won “Best Dressed” senior year not because I was actually best dressed (that rightfully belonged to a different fashionista), but because every morning, since seventh grade, I put thoughtfully composed outfits on my body. You can imagine me laying my clothes out the night before, only to change it in the morning because of a vision that had come to me in a dream. Honestly, this is still my routine. I’ve just traded Pacsun fashion finds for Forever 21 ones. 

I’ve always been a basic trend follower. I loved my Sketchers, then my Converse, then my Vans, now my Adidas. I was never drawn to pushing the boundaries of what was considered cute. Whatever was on the models at Zara or on one of my friends seemed like the perfect inspiration. When asked about my fashion sense, my go-to answer is that I’m really good at dressing inside the lines. 

And then I experienced my first day wearing a silk bandana. Now, my wardrobe will never be the same.

All of sudden, a world of colorful accessories, different textures, and conflicting patterns existed in a way I hadn’t ever seen before. Everyone was taking some kind of risk and even when it didn’t work, they did. One silk scarf showed me how a little addition can up the stakes and make a more dynamic composition.

This summer, I’ve challenged myself to get a little outside my fashion comfort zone. Wear patterns. Invest in colors. Hats with everything. Walking the streets of Philly or the halls of my office, my goal is to make someone think “hm, I think I like it,” instead of “I think I saw that on another 19-year old last week.” No more “better safe than a fashion disaster. ”

While none of my outfits are revolutionary, or even begin to touch the flawlessness of some of the people who work at URBN, it feels good to be proud of a look and want to share it. It’s not about feeling pretty, it’s about trying to funnel my creative energy into what I put together. Denim on denim has always been one of my staples, but now it’s about denim on denim on a neon pink sneaker and a vintage clutch.  

Still no style queen, I would never claim to be, but I’m one step closer to being more original and taking more risks. To see some of my favorite looks from this summer, check out my Philly dairies from Week One and Week Two.

And the best part of looking and feeling good? All the mirror selfies that come with it. Enjoy my collection. 

 


Stuck in my head: Butterfly // Delicate Steve
Snap it: Fishtown Flea

You can clearly see my go-to pose. 

Cheesesteaks and Chokers: Week Two.

Time to add some new combos to the “can’t re-wear without being an outfit repeater.”

Week two was even better than week one. I found more thrift shops, learned some new recipes (hello, homemade peanut sauce on sweet potatoes and chicken), and photographed some pretty awesome places. Overall, the past seven days were a win win win.

Here are the looks, meals, and moments I want to share. 

did someone say clothes?

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replace my hands with forks, please.

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those in-between moments.

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Stuck in my head: What Am I Becoming?
Snap it: South St

Top Three Tips for Exploring A New City.

Growing up near DC, I tend to take ownership of it. When people ask me where I’m from, I’ll happily say “a suburb outside of DC” until they press me for more information and I have to admit I’m from Maryland (which I also love, but just a little less). My summer move to Philadelphia has been overwhelming and exciting. One challenge, though, has been figuring out all I need to do, see, and eat before I leave. While I’m still in the process of learning the ropes, here are some helpful tips for all my fellow transplants trying to find the who, what, when, and where. 

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1. Start An Instagram Collection

People will LOVE to let you know what should be at the top of your to-do list. I’ve gotten so many restaurant suggestions my pant size is already starting to expand at the thought of all the future meals. It can be really overwhelming and hard to remember the suggestions so as people give them to you, start a note in your phone to keep track. Later, look up the places on Instagram to get a feel for if you’d enjoy it. If yes, add it to a collection in your saved Instagram images so you can easily remember, find, and identify it based on photos! Also, don’t be afraid to skip suggestions that don’t feel you. Fancy Asain food restaurants, no matter how high they’re rated on Yelp!, will never make it onto my Musts list.

2. Research the Neighborhoods

For most big cities, there are almost little micro-cities inside, each characterized by individual personalities and activities to do there. Put a little time into getting to know what the best things from each neighborhood are and try to figure out where they are in comparison to each other. I truly believe the only way to get to know a city is by foot, so lace up your Adidas and hit the streets. This weekend, I walked over 10 miles through the city (half because Ubers were too expensive, half because adventure vibes). It can be really cool to see some of the things you’ve seen online or learned about in school while you walk.

3. Ask for Help

A lot of people strongly identify and love where they live. Don’t be afraid to ask people for directions, suggestions, and advice as you explore. For public transport, Google Maps is a great guide, but it’s not always the easiest. Consider popping into a store, stopping a pedestrian, or asking the subway stop workers for the easiest, best, safest way to get from A to B. Also, take advantage of those around you! I make sure to ask for weekend tips at work and events happening in the area. So far, I have a DIY Skyline Night at the Philadelphia Art Museum and a nighttime trip to Boathouse Row on my list. If you’re with other transplants or use social media, see what people in your network suggest. I’ve found they’re an awesome resource for food and fun reccs.

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This past weekend started with a spin class and ended with a dairy-free froyo run. Don’t worry there was a ton of thrifting, pride parading, flea market hunting, and park visiting in there, too. Can’t wait to keep learning this city’s grid and sharing all the secrets. 

And obviously send me any Philly musts immediately. Contact via DM. Open to all suggestions. Extra open to all trendy, Instagram-ready, coffee serving suggestions. 


Stuck in my head: Mission to Mars // RKS
Snap it: The Gayborhood, PHIL

Cheesesteaks and Chokers: Week One.

Welcome to my Philly Summer. With week one coming to a close, I think there’s no better way to honor the fashion, food, and fun I’ve lived than through a photo diary. In this series, you’ll find my top looks, bites, and adventures from the week. Grab your Eagles jersey and buy your SEPTA ticket. This is Cheesesteaks and Chokers: Week One. 

Looks

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Bites

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Adventures

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Stuck in my head: Off She Goes // Bad Suns
Snap it: A beautiful little corner of Philly

Movement in Self-Care

I recently guest wrote for a new blog startup called Old Soul Wednesdays. The creator contacted me after a takeover I did on the Girls’ Night In Instagram about incorporating exercise in my self-care routine. Here’s my response to their open-ended prompt about movement in self-care. 

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There are so many staples that come to mind with the term, “self-care.”
Rose water, bath bombs, a glass of your most Instagrammable red. The recent self-care movement has reignited our love of showing love to ourselves, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. But one aspect of self-care that gets overlooked more often than not is the physical side- exercise.
When you dissect the current self-care space, the landscape is almost oversaturated with self-indulgence. And I don’t use the term with the kind of negative connotation it typically carries, but self-indulgence in terms of, “hell yeah, this is for me.” When we look at skin-care must-tries, candles we’re addicted to, athleisure we can barely afford but buy anyway, there’s almost a kind of self-love validation that comes with it.
Yet, these things are short-term fixes. Temporary manifestations of the appreciation we have for ourselves. And while they’re great and absolutely necessary (I love a “Treat Yoself” splurge as much as the next lady), they hold no power in achieving goals, changing our mentality, or challenging ourselves.
The recent shift to the effortless pampering type of self-care has made routines almost exclusively built around the cosmetology, spirituality, and “wine”-ology industries. If it can’t be done from under a furry blanket, with a mug in hand, or while plant-momming, we can’t help but question if it’s really self-care. This kind of exclusivity makes physically active time for yourself appear less worthy of the self-care space.
Exercise tends to have a bad rep. Challenging, sweaty, and full of expectations that feel unattainable. It requires full force, full steam, and full power for full reward. It goes against most of what social media and pop culture tell us about pressing pause and showing self-love. It requires no incense or bath shelves (pause for gasps). It’s about you, what you can do, and how it makes your body feel.
Spoiler alert: it can all be pretty great stuff.
Regular exercise has its scientific benefits. Bla bla bla. I’m not a doctor, consult WebMD if you want to know more. But something I am familiar with is how exercise plays a role in the way I take time for myself. A good workout has always been a priority for me; I was the high schooler skipping Friday night hangouts for a HIIT class and am now the college student late to lecture post-lift session.
But it wasn’t until I started learning more about the self-care revolution through my time interning with Girls’ Night In that I started to see the sacrifices I make for exercise as part of doing something for myself.
I think my love for exercise has always felt selfish. It was time I was stealing from other people and things I loved and the only person who benefited from it was me. I was stronger, happier, and achieving goals I’d always dreamed of, like becoming a spin instructor, but the way exercise imposed on plans with friends, getting work done, and more attached a feeling of guilt. I never saw it as something I needed for my overall wellness. It was just a routine, a hobby, the most enjoyable chore.
Recently I’ve set a couple of self-care goals for myself.
One, start a skin-care routine (no progress yet, here).
Two, say no to plans when you don’t have the bandwidth or the desire to make them (CHECK).
Three, treat mental health like physical health (still working on it).
Four, treat physical health as part of self-care and let it be a guilt-free way to love myself.
Allowing movement to be a part of your self-care routine opens doors to long-term changes. You have the ability to enjoy everything your body can offer you if you let it. And, by pairing physical force with positivity and optimism, you can inspire strength in yourself you never even knew existed.
Personally, I bring a yoga “let’s set an intention for our practice today” mindset to every type of movement I do. I find it helps me feel purposeful and powerful and gives me something to work towards. An easy way to do this is to replace single-focused goals, like losing weight, with more holistic ones. For example, turn “I want to run to get my bikini body,” into “I want to run to clear my mind and take on this challenge.”
It also helps us focus less on destination and more on each individual push. Every step matters, every stride takes you further, every drop of sweat makes the journey easier. Remind yourself that not every trip to the gym will be your best, but getting there is half the battle and if you showed up you’ve already won that.
When you bring a positive mentality to exercise, it contributes to a greater sense of caring for yourself and your body. It’s not just about what your body can do, it’s about what your body and mind can do together.
For me, the pros far outweigh the minutes of panting that follow a hard workout. Besides the endorphin rush, you may find yourself achieving beyond your goals. But all successes take time and hustle. And while other self-care routines are more about pampering and treating, fitness will have more self-doubt and challenge on its path.
It won’t be easy, but by seeing exercise as a self-care staple, we can make our moments of movement a little more sacred and a little more self-indulgent.
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“This is part of a series called In First Person, in which digital natives respond to an open-ended writing prompt.”
Find the original blog post here.

Stuck in my head: White Rabbit // Jefferson Airplane
Snap it: Fishtown, Philadelphia (before work… because I kept forgetting to take pictures to accompany the piece… this workout outfit has never seen the gym…)

Special thanks to Larissa from Old Soul for the feature. It was a dream and a half to work together. 

Officially An URBN Intern (with a side of pizza).

Back in January, I wrote a blog post about my application process to URBN as an Urban Outfitter’s Social Media Intern. It was the standard “girl gets rejected from the summer internship, but still remains positive” kind of sob story. I shared my application project, a series of mock Instagram posts I’d shot in DC, and promised I’d be back next fall ready to try again.

About two hours after that post went live, I got a call from URBN’s HQ where they asked me to come in for an interview with their Food and Beverage division, instead of for the position I’d originally applied for. So naturally, I packed my Herschel, cued a couple podcasts, and took my first ever train ride to Philly. Obviously, I instantly fell in love with the URBN corporate campus (think Anthro meets FP meets Urban meets every hipster nook and cranny/meal you could ever dream of) and had an awesome time chatting with the team.

The rest is history. And by history, I mean a food-loving-Instagrammer’s dream come true.

This position is different than anything I’ve ever done before. While a lot of it will be marketing based, doing things like running social media accounts, learning the ropes of PR, and doing some website optimization, I’ll also have the opportunity to explore deeper into F+B and take part in the growth of a new department, Urban Hospitality.

Flash forward to now, I’ve officially traded Union Market for Reading Terminal and am slowly learning how to navigate the SEPTA. I’ve got my neighborhood hot yoga studio and am even debating actually trying a cheesesteak. I said “debating.”

Exciting things are ahead. I can practically see the future Instagram Stories now.

Yes, URBN owns restaurants. AND they’re trendy and good. Explore them here: Pizzeria Vetri (there’s one in DC), Amis Trattoria, Bar Amis, & Terrain Garden Cafe. 


Stuck in my head: Giants // Bear Hands
Snap it: NAVY YARD AKA MY NEW HOME.

 

It’s Internship Season, Baby!

Internship season is upon us. From engineering to marketing to art to research, a lot of students will get the chance to work with amazing companies and take steps to discovering their ~professional~ calling. It can be intimidating to be the youngest in the office or the most novice on the job. As I gear up for my own summer adventure, I want to share some tips I’ve learned on how to leave your mark on your summer position and get the most out of your experience. 

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1. Ask Questions

It’s perfectly normal not to know things in a new position. It can be frustrating to feel behind or unprepared, but by being proactive and asking about what you don’t understand, you can come away with more than just you’re already comfortable with. Whether it’s an informational interview to learn more about a colleague’s career path or asking for help on a project because you can’t figure out where to start, being curious can be your fastest route to success. Just make sure your questions are purposeful and not easily answered by Google!

2. Become An Office Journaler

One of my favorite ways to track internship accomplishments is by keeping an active journal of what you’re working on, what the feedback you’re receiving on it is, and what the outcomes are. This way, in both meetings with your managers and on your resume post-position, you can easily speak to your experience. Bonus points for asking your manager for some metrics on your projects towards the end of the summer. Think big numbers, actions, and outcomes. 

3. Speak the Lingo + Know the News

For a lot of careers, there are specific terms that are key to understanding. In marketing, I’ve found that knowing the lingo to talk about different types of business goals in relation to social media (ex: awareness, engagement, reach) can make or break how a professional sees my credibility. You can keep your Intern-Cred in tiptop shape by utilizing your BFF, @theinternet, to get a step up and a better understanding of the scene you’re walking into. Similarly, staying on top of the news in your general industry is important, too. I live on my Feedly board for SEO, social media, fast-casual, and hospitality news updates. Okay, and I have a board for celebrity and reality TV news, but that’s not internship-success related, so hush.

4. Show A Little Co-Worker Lovin’

Networking is such a huge benefit of working at a company. Make an effort to form connections with your co-workers that are genuine. This feels super duper obvious and stupid to say, BUT BE NICE TO EVERYONE. You never know who will become who in the game of promotions, CEOs, and future jobs. If you’re like me and your memory is already in the garbage like last week’s Sweetgreen salad, keep a notebook where you jot down notes post-peer conversations. It may feel silly but Sandy, your imaginary cubicle buddy, will appreciate if you remember her daughter’s name or her love of Pinterest.

5. Going Old School– Pen and Paper

It’s so easy to depend on technology as your communication and note-taking tool. When in meetings, it’s best practice to trade your tech for a journal and blue, or black, pen to demonstrate your concentration vibes. A meeting is a great opportunity to channel your inner adulting and earn brownie-points from your co-workers. As an intern, most teams won’t expect you to have a huge input in the conversation, but if you are going to speak up in a meeting, make sure to add value with your comments. In the words of my mom, a trusty real-life-working-woman, “don’t just talk to talk.” At my last summer internship, I tended to use meetings as a chance to take note of things I didn’t know, didn’t understand, or wanted to learn more about. Then I would ask my manager about them post-meeting.

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No matter where you work, what you do, or what resume bullets you come away with, there’s, undoubtedly, something to learn in every experience. But, by leaving your mark on your summer position, you can open up doors to the next big thing. It’s all about creating connections, seeing the value in every project, and giving your all to take the most away. 

I guess all that’s left to say is happy interning!


Stuck in my head: Swim // Fickle Friends
Snap it: Seyou (BAKERY HEAVEN), Washington DC

Where My Money Goes.

Welcome to my newest obsession: STATIONARY STORES.

Lately, my Instagram feed has been flooded with pictures of cute poofy pens, greeting cards, stickers, and day planners. And I hate to say it, but I’ve become a sucker for an enamel pin. There’s something so satisfying about ordering all things you need to #adult, and then not #adulting. Here are my go-to photo ready shops for all the stationary goods you didn’t know you needed in life.

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Ban.do

band

photo from @shopbando

Things to check out: their new day planners, the graphic tees, + everything their Creative Director, Jen Gotch, loves

Packed Party

packed party

photo from @packedparty

Things to check out: all the glitter you’ll ever need + “Guac This Way” skinny doormat

Hello Sunshine Shop

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Things to check out: Allllllll the pins (especially this avocado toast one)!

The Wing

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Photo by @the.wing

Things to check out: (while not necessarily a stationary shop, what has stickers and pins counts for me) “Girls Doing Whatever The Fuck They Want 2018” Stickers + “Bag Lady” canvas tote

People I’ve Loved

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photo by @peopleiveloved

Things to check out: “You’ve got this” socks, I Like You, I Love You Book, + all these map prints that make cities art and art cities.

The Shop That Needs To Exist, But Doesn’t Yet

American Dream House

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photo from @americandreamhouse

Things to check out: the killer Instagram graphics for now- ULTIMATE ROOM ACCESSORIES COMING THIS SUMMER


Stuck in my head: Animals // Coast Modern
Snap it: Dormify pop-up in Montgomery Mall (good place to shop for your next dorm decor splurge)

 

 

 

The Sophomore Album.

Well, it’s all finished. The stress, the pressure, the moments of absolute pure fun in between. This year was full of all kinds of things, and while I took a blogging break, I was still capturing my favorite moments by doing what I do best. Photos.

Sophomore year, you were the worst. But you brought some of the best people and memories into my life and for that, I am so grateful.

Fall 2017-Spring 2018: we’ll call you The Sophomore Album.


Stuck in my head: Giants // Bear Hands
Snap it: 19th Birthday Brunch, Bistro Bohem, Shaw

Staying In. Now and Forever.

Yesterday was my last day working as the Audience Engagement and Social Media Intern for Girls’ Night In. I feel like I didn’t take the opportunity to share much about what I worked on with GNI this semester, but here’s a link to my LinkedIn, go catch up.

If you follow me on social media or have even spent a millisecond talking to me in the past three months, you know how much I fell in love with the company, team, and mission of GNI. The self-care themed newsletter and community for millennial women in DC meant more to me than my Ky-lighter (french vanilla shade obvi), spin classes, and Trader Joe’s Everything But The Bagel Seasoning combined. Okay, maybe an exaggeration, but still… Enamored with it. 

I think one reason that I hold this internship experience so close to my heart is that before it, I didn’t understand the concept of self-indulging. I’m an extremely type-A person; I like control, order, and all the Google Calendar reminders along the way. It’s always been extremely hard for me to take time for myself or admit that I am on the path to burnout. Self-awareness is only so productive when you lack the resources to save yourself from over-work. 

Girls’ Night In’s focus on bringing self-care to women, letting them slow down and face-mask it out, changed my own wellness philosophy. Over the course of the semester, I’ve learned to push what feels urgent to the side for a necessary second and give myself permission to not be productive 24/7. 

And, because sharing is caring: here are three parts of self-care that I now cherish, celebrate, and skip many social events in the name of. 

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1. Always Have A Book By The Bedside

Don’t fret, a full list of this semesters’ reads is coming (and it’s a good one), but I made it a priority to always be in the middle of a book. From celebrity memoirs to mysteries that are impossible to put down (no matter when your accounting homework is due), I let books be an escape from both bad and good days. One of my favorite things to do is kill off a “bad vibes day” by stepping away for an hour and entering a different, fictional world. It brings new light to once overwhelming problems in a way that mindless Netflix binging can’t. #bookwormstatus

2. Diversify How You Digest Wellness 

It’s easy to follow a fitness blogger on Instagram for work-out inspiration and call it a day, but this semester I challenged myself to move deeper into the world of wellness media. I started by connecting with Instagram Influencers that add to my own wellness journey. Some accounts are focused on body positive content or daily affirmations, like Chinae Alexander and Alex Elle, while others serve the purpose of welcoming more art to my feed, like watercolorist extraordinaire, Riley Sheeney, and illustrator, Marian Andrews.
I also unfollowed purposeless accounts and went for more pro-women powerhouses, like the Founder + Chief Creative Officer of Band.o, Jen Gotch (who also happens to be an iconic mental-health advocate + all-around total girl crush of mine). Other ways to explore wellness off social media, podcasts like GirlBoss Radio, Call Your Girlfriend, and That’s So Retrograde.

3. YOU CAN SAY NO TO PLANS- IT’S OK. 

Guys, I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, BUT LIKE, YOU CAN SAY NO TO MAKING PLANS WITH PEOPLE WITH NO REASON OTHER THAN, “I want time alone, today.” This is my new guiding philosophy, and let me tell you, pre-internship Homebody-ness aside, it has changed me. I am a go-getter and never-let-them-downer, and now I know that turning down plans isn’t the tragic, “you’re going to lose all your friends,” situation I always thought it was.
I can watch Parks and Rec in bed on a Friday night. I can put on a face mask instead of going to a dinner party. And, I really have Alisha Ramos and Girls’ Night In to thank for that newfound, self-love. As long as I’m putting effort into the relationships I want to maintain, saying “no” because you don’t have room on your plate doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you’re realistic about your time. 

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Self- care is a hard concept to grasp. To learn more, subscribe to Girls’ Night In’s weekly newsletter (Fridays will never be the same) and check out their content. And while you’re at it, follow them on Instagram. And Twitter. Okay, and Facebook. And buy tickets to the book club.

Thank you to Alisha and the GNI team for all they’ve taught me. Definitely owe them all a tall mug of green tea sometime.



Stuck in my head: Pictures of Girls // Wallows
Snap it: Colada Shop, 14th St, DC

Lessons Learned.

Hi friends, it’s been a while. This semester has been so jam-packed; words can’t describe. A couple months ago I decided to let those words go and focus on other challenges. The year isn’t over, but a creative mind can only take so many textbook readings before it has to create again. So here we are: let’s call it a writer’s revival.

Today I woke up inspired to write something that feels long overdue. If you know me, you know that there are a few things in my life that rise above the rest. One is exercise. Another one is getting the perfect picture of a latte. But, the most important one is, undoubtedly, my friends and family.

The way I live my life is an imperfect balance of uptight and carefree. While the rigid, routine, perfectionist side of my personality is more dominant, some of my key life philosophies come from the carefree side. Aka- my Dad. Today, instead of celebrating his birthday with Duck Donuts or Key Lime Pie, I want to share some lessons I’ve learned from him that have become my guiding principles.

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1. Just Get Through It

Sometimes stress needs to take a backseat, and you just have to endure. This doesn’t mean “don’t give a shit,” as my Dad constantly reminds me when he tells me to take a chill pill over an exam or irrational worry, but sometimes it’s okay to let go of the pressure that comes from the expectations we set for ourselves. High standards are great to a degree, but perspective is key. If you sweat all the small things, the important things, like your health and the relationships you value, will just be harder to manage.

2. Not a Bad Choice

Guilt is a frequent feeling for me. I experience studier’s remorse like no one’s business. I have trouble indulging or taking time for myself. My Dad combats my insecurity in those moments by reminding me that just because that guilt is there, it doesn’t mean I made a mistake or a bad decision. Sure, there was maybe a different course of action, something more effective or proactive I could’ve done, but I shouldn’t let my overthinking make me feel wrong. It’s a “there will always be a next time, here are your options for when it comes,” thought process.

3. Be an Active Listener, but an Even More Active Understander

There have been so many days this semester where I’ve questioned the difference between a bad mood, a bad day, and being in a “bad place.” Stress wears heavily and while I can talk about how it’s affecting me, it can be scary to admit that it’s taking a toll. I am so fortunate that I can turn to my Dad for advice and support, but also as an ear that wants to understand the why behind it all. The level of understanding that has developed in our relationship is something I strive to bring to every other relationship in my life. He’s taught me to go beyond support into the world genuine caring. No thought is too crazy, no conditions to the love you bring to the table. I guide my actions by how I can have that openness with the people I love.

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So, while this is no candle-packed birthday cake or surprise breakfast in bed, I hope this pays homage to you, Mister Dad. Thank you for all the calming phone calls, seafood feasts, and for being such a positive role model in my life. I know that I’m going to get roasted by Mom for the sappiness, but it felt necessary to finally thank you. Nothing says “reunited with my blog” than a post dedicated to the dude who does it all.

One week and four days until our first Sweet Frog run of the Summer. Until then, party hard. Fifty-something looks like thirty on you.


Stuck in my head: Pacific Love // RKS
Snap it: Iceland

Content might be irregular at first, but it’s time to get back into writing. Facing fears. Facing writer’s block. Tbh, it’s been deeply missed. Talk soon!

Pressing Pause.

I was in the middle of writing a post to let you all know that I was taking a break from creating content due to lack of creative flow. But, I realized that my reasoning was a cop out from explaining what I’m actually experiencing right now- true, brutal burnout. Not in respect to everything I’m doing- I still love my internship, exercise, and AOII. But, overall, things have just been a lot harder to get done lately. 

I’m not a stranger to low energy levels. I think it all comes in a cycle with stress and sleep and self-care, but of recent, naps have become the norm and I count the hours until I get to crawl into bed with my book. I miss being engaged by my lectures and excited to do well. For the first time in my life, not even an A is motivation.

Related but unrelated, I’ve also been fighting to find a state of peace in facing certain challenges in life. Recently, I’ve been focusing on mental illness, and how it’s okay not to be okay, and learning to be a strong hand to hold for those struggling. I’m also working past shutting down emotionally during chaotic times and showing vulnerability where I would normally prefer to pretend nothing is wrong. I’ve had to accept broken things as being broken and give up on them- which has been the hardest, most taxing experience for me. It’s been really draining, I’m not going to lie. And where I would normally say I’ve had profound moments of realization in the process, I’m going to say that I haven’t yet. But, I will never stop trying to find comfort in the process.

This post seems sad. It may sound lonely or withdrawn from, but it’s written with determination and self-actualization. My mind needs a break and I want to focus on different things for a little. Like actually doing my accounting homework. And spending time with the amazing women that have built me an enviable support network. And finally facing my fear of writing for myself instead of for others.

Burning out is normal, but it’s about the recovery that comes after. I’m looking for little things that continuously spark happiness in my life. Like loving DC so much I want to cry when I walk the streets. And the memory of hearing Houndmouth for the first time at a music festival and feeling so genuinely in love inside.

I’ll write more soon. I just need to press pause and breathe and drink some tea. Then I’ll be back, avocado toast and all.

Until then, I promise I’ll still be on Instagram. 


Stuck in my head: Sun Veins // Hippo Campus
Snap it: The Coffee Bar, DC