I was in the middle of writing a post to let you all know that I was taking a break from creating content due to lack of creative flow. But, I realized that my reasoning was a cop out from explaining what I’m actually experiencing right now- true, brutal burnout. Not in respect to everything I’m doing- I still love my internship, exercise, and AOII. But, overall, things have just been a lot harder to get done lately.
I’m not a stranger to low energy levels. I think it all comes in a cycle with stress and sleep and self-care, but of recent, naps have become the norm and I count the hours until I get to crawl into bed with my book. I miss being engaged by my lectures and excited to do well. For the first time in my life, not even an A is motivation.
Related but unrelated, I’ve also been fighting to find a state of peace in facing certain challenges in life. Recently, I’ve been focusing on mental illness, and how it’s okay not to be okay, and learning to be a strong hand to hold for those struggling. I’m also working past shutting down emotionally during chaotic times and showing vulnerability where I would normally prefer to pretend nothing is wrong. I’ve had to accept broken things as being broken and give up on them- which has been the hardest, most taxing experience for me. It’s been really draining, I’m not going to lie. And where I would normally say I’ve had profound moments of realization in the process, I’m going to say that I haven’t yet. But, I will never stop trying to find comfort in the process.
This post seems sad. It may sound lonely or withdrawn from, but it’s written with determination and self-actualization. My mind needs a break and I want to focus on different things for a little. Like actually doing my accounting homework. And spending time with the amazing women that have built me an enviable support network. And finally facing my fear of writing for myself instead of for others.
Burning out is normal, but it’s about the recovery that comes after. I’m looking for little things that continuously spark happiness in my life. Like loving DC so much I want to cry when I walk the streets. And the memory of hearing Houndmouth for the first time at a music festival and feeling so genuinely in love inside.
I’ll write more soon. I just need to press pause and breathe and drink some tea. Then I’ll be back, avocado toast and all.
Until then, I promise I’ll still be on Instagram.
Stuck in my head: Sun Veins // Hippo Campus
Snap it: The Coffee Bar, DC